hard times

In the back of my brain for the last few months I ve been toying with the idea of transferring right away into the regular nursing program. It hit me hard yesterday working with a 4th year RN student. i KNOW im good at psych, but fuck, do i want to be pushing pills? FUCK. im throwing an application in on Feb first. you will not be hearing about it until i am accepted. and if i am rejected. well. you won't hear anything. I am so conflicted. The passionless nurses i see here shoving pills into the mouths of clients... i know if it weren't for the hospital that they would be on the streets. But after working as an aide and being a student nurse on the unit i feel as if as a nurse all you do is chart, give drugs and..well where the fuck are the counseling skills that i learned going to be used?!?!? i know this hospital is different than those in the city but... i don't know. my head hurts from crying to my mom. I don't know if can do this forever, it wasn't my original plan but if i can leave this town and the hospital that runs this town..id be okay with that.